Why...

Q: Why are you doing this to yourself? DO your paper. You have to just elaborate on your paragraphs.

S: Yeah, I know. But I just don't care, you know?

Q: Yeah....no.

S: Yes you do. It seems a little pointless, all my homework does.

Q: But you have to do it. The sooner you get it done, the more free time you have.

S: Yeah I know. Shut up. I'm tired of hearing that. It's not that easy. I get distracted. I miss my friends.

Q: Call them.

S: Well, mostly I miss Meghan and Ryan. I talked to them most. And I talk to them now. But I shouldn't talk to them all the time. They have their own lives to live. I need to live mine.

Q: Don't stress yourself out about it... maybe you took too much on this semester....

S: Honestly, It's not that the work is hard but that it takes me so long to do it. I wish I knew what I would enjoy working on to feel motivated...really I'm just lazy.

Q: Hmmm....

S: Yet another thing I wonder about. Do I do stuff I am capable of, like hard math, and don't mind doing or should I find work that I actually enjoy and may not be as good at? Does it matter? Can ANYONE answer that?

Q: Well, I can't.

S: Psh. Some help. I thought typing all of this out might help. Really I think I'm just procrastinating.

Q: You are. But you are also thinking about things to make them better in your mind. That is a good thing.

S: You know what would be a good thing. People. People who I can identify with. I was hoping for there to be a Hawaii club or something I could join. It may sound stupid but I do feel like I belong there. I didn't spend my whole life there but I spent the most important time there. 2nd-4th grade is when you learn what's right and wrong and what feels right in the world and from 8th-10th grade you learn who you are and want to be. The other years are just the fun ones. I don't regret any experiences. I enjoyed moving. But the only place I've ever wanted to go back to was Hawaii. That is my home.

Q: Why do you think that is?

S: I think it has to do with the way that people act and think. They do things not just for them. They try and involve others and just, aloha. This sounds stupid.

Q: Nah, It makes sense.

S: Even overseas most kids seemed to have some personal motive for just about everything and anything they did. It's the same here. Which also sounds bad...but it's the way things come off..

Q: Makes sense. You should call that other girl from your school.

S: What would I even talk about?

Q: Does it matter? She probably feels kind of like you do, even if she does have her team. She did call you back first.

S: Great. Now I feel like a jerk for not responding sooner. I'll call tonight. I gotta finish this I suppose.

Q: Yes. Finish that paper. Quickly.

S: Sure. Later gator.

Q: Ciao.

Happy talk...

Huskies
Shiba Inus
Fluffy blankets
Cuddly animals
warm soft socks
mint ice cream
a cool day with a jacket
a good phone call
mail
vitamin water
a happy song
A lady bug randomly appearing (one flew out of my notes before one of my tests :) )
glow sticks
macaroni and cheese
dark chocolate
an organized desk
home videos
sand on the beach
waking up on time without an alarm
nerf guns
slippers
a long email
singing
rainboots
running in the rain
being in a theater
helping someone do something they thought they couldn't
warm clothes out of the dryer
massage chairs at the mall
new webcomics
reading a book you like
talking to someone that understands

Watching everybody else...

I'm watching everyone else grow up. For them the world either seems to open up and accept them into all that is good, or completely shut them down. It's hard to not wish that I had a definite perspective. My world seems to be alright, not great, but I don't wish to forget anything about it.

I watch facebook statuses too much for my own good; I watch people slowly fade both in good and bad ways, but they don't want help. I can understand that. Sometimes I just want to sit there and complain. But I don't think I'm falling like they are, it's hard to watch a lot of the time. Seeing things so good, careless, carefree living that will fall through soon enough or watching people just...be miserable. I'm rambling. Whatever. Anyone who looks at this knows I ramble.


I procrastinate. I need to stop that.

So College...

Now that I'm in college and have very little free time I think I am going to start writing on this again more often
:)
College is going well I guess, classes, homework, east coast, dorm rooms...its all good.
I'm taking lots of liberal arts stuff this semester but I don't even know what I want to do yet. Something environmental. That's all I know. I should be going into the hard sciences, I'm capable of it. I just don't want to. I don't know what I do want to do....rar.

But anyways, today I went to the mall for my scarf. I got the scarf, cool stuff. But I find myself buying stuff whenever I go to the mall; I think it's because I'm not used to going to the mall. Is that weird? Yes. I'll get over it :)

From now on no buying stuff and way less junk food, It makes me feel icky.